Relationship therapy

I call this relationship therapy rather than couples therapy on purpose. I work with people in monogamous and polyamorous relationships, and I support GSERD: gender, sexual, erotic, and relationship diversity. Whatever the shape of your relationship, you're welcome here.

Here's something I think is worth saying up front: it isn't my job to keep you together. Relationship therapy isn't about making sure you stay in the relationship at all costs. It's about learning how to have honest conversations about what each of you needs and wants, so that everyone involved can make a clear decision about what would serve you best going forward. In my experience, when people build those skills, they often find they do still want to be together. But the aim is understanding and choice, not preservation for its own sake.

One way I think about it is that the client, in relationship therapy, is the relationship itself, rather than either individual. A lot of what couples come with is a breakdown in communication, or the work of recovering from a betrayal. I think of infidelity broadly, as a breakdown of trust: that might be an affair, but it might equally be a concealed addiction, a financial secret, or another kind of deception. Often what's missing is a set of skills nobody ever taught you, and a good deal of the work is learning them together, so you can decide how your relationship might evolve, including, sometimes, how it might end well.

My way of working here is much the same as in my individual work: fairly direct, attentive to what's happening between us in the room, and willing to name it. I draw on my training with The Grove, and on the work of the Gottman Institute and Relational Life Therapy, though you won't need to know any of the theory for us to do good work together.

We can meet online, or in person at my home studio in Cambridge, which has a calm, private feel and space to slow down. The easiest first step is a free 15-minute introductory call.